Spacious

Ever since we’ve moved into our new apartment, I have been drawn to the view out one side of our apartment in contrast to the other side. We have a view of the circle inside of the mall with its lights and people and bustling wealthy city life. The other view has low story homes in contrast to the skyscrapers we live in. 

View from the 26th floor out onto the mall down below

There is a wide canal of grey-green water, a road that cars do not drive on and a wall fence that goes around that part of the city. The city sprawls to the distant mountains. The water I found repulsive especially if I think about sewage (and where is it going?), the road is interesting – people walk, play ball, and traverse it - and there seems to be gates in the wall. The dwellings are cement blocks and tin roofs, some with stucco and paint and others not. Some have roofs. There are a few straight lines of roads and many twisty alleyways. The lights twinkle at night and I feel a wonder and fascination with how life goes on there. It looks scary and rough so I don’t want to just drive out through it, but I still want to explore and look and try to understand. Our first night here I could not sleep so I just kept looking out at the distant Christmas lights in windows or doors, the store neon lights, some street lights and some homes with lights on. I tried to imagine how life in crowded dense place would be. I speculated all night and kept coming back to look some more.

Coming home the next day from a trip out into the country, we were directed by the car navigation to go through this particular city. We got stopped in traffic and told to go in a wandering loopy way through the city streets and I got to look and see those crowded dense streets and alleyways as we waited for our turn to drive a little farther. Poverty is very evident and also those who have a lot more. One tiny neighborhood stacked next to another. I could see people who lived practically on the street, those who built homes without windows out of cement blocks, mortar and tin sheet roofs, the next levels up of homes were painted, the next level up had stucco and paint and then windows. The nice homes and neighborhoods had plants and more color and some of the buildings had a small lawn attached – though maybe that was a school or church. The roads were only marginally bigger. Even if the homes did not have windows or a seeable door I could glimpse televisions on and lights. Some of the electrical wires hung from buildings and were twisted with other wires without electricians tape. What happens when it rains? Since it rains every few days they must be under eaves or roofs. People are everywhere, moving, washing, walking, chatting, and living. The children seem to be happy playing on the side of the road outside of their homes and in the alleyways. Sidewalks are non-existent or marginal. Wash hangs out everywhere – the whites are white. I thought it was so interesting that I was able to have this chance to see and look when I had wanted so badly to do so. I thought how the Stewarts had no idea that they were stuck in traffic because of an answer to a desire I had.

I feel something big and indescribable. I wish I had Nate’s descriptive ability, Michael’s parable insights, Rebekah’s emotional appeal, Debbie’s slice of life comparisons, Andrew’s analytical thoughtfulness, Rachel’s evocative story telling, Matthew’s depth of thought and Kelsi’s wrap of life experience changes.  I have feelings and no words that can “tell” that feeling. 

Chapter 2

I watched out the window this morning at the kids playing basketball and noticed that people are living on the side of the green muddy canal. There seems to be a rice patty and small shack and another lot with markers around it  - like someone is marking out their field. Others are promenading the road leisurely. I can’t help but feeling I’m living in the great and spacious building. No mockery on my part.

Should I be going to church in a different ward? I have a yen to be part of a real Filipino existence in a small way. I’m wondering where our best place to serve is.  Jeffrey has definitely found some serious meat to chew in his legal work. I know I am of great value in the dental office. Then there is Sundays. This will be the first week we both are teaching for other teachers. That is just it, there are many in this ex-pat ward who are excellent teachers. But I don’t know if we are even needed in another ward. They probably have excellent teachers there also – who speak the language they understand. Where should I fit in?